Going Back to Normal after COVID

So it appears we are all going back to normal after Covid and what has been quite an eventful 17 or so months. I don’t quite know what to think or feel about it, though I do know – I’m finding it quite unsettling.

The world has changed dramatically since last March. I was sent home from work, not knowing when I’d be back in the office. It’s all been a bit of a blur, working from home, homeschooling Joshua, just everything really. I’m longing for some form of normality but it’s a scary prospect nonetheless.

I’m looking forward to being back at work in the office. Although I keep myself to myself and steer clear of office gossip, I like being around people and feeling part of a team. Working from home doesn’t really give me that. Though I do enjoy working from home, but sometimes it’s hard to maintain my motivation. I think that could be said for all who have had to adapt to working from home.

I think also what’s scary is that most restrictions are going to be lifted and it’ll be down to collective responsibility. Will I still wear a mask? I probably will. I will no doubt be called a sheep for this, but I want to feel safe and also help others feel safe too. It’s not my responsibility what others do. I do think it’s a bit too much, too soon. However that’s just my personal opinion and I’m not the one making these unenviable decisions.

The last few weeks have been tough at work for various different reasons. A lot of that is down to change. Things are changing at such a rapid pace all the time, it’s hard to keep up. I think being back in the office will help with that because working from home, some things get lost in translation and it’s hard to decipher things by just reading it.

Whatever happens – life won’t ever be the way it was. I have to accept that sooner or later. I’m already feeling anxious over it. It’s taken me a fair while to get used to working from home. I just need to be in a good routine. I think we all need that as a family. Nothing too regimented but just enough to keep us ticking along. I accept life isn’t always straightforward but as long as I’m prepared for something, I can deal with just about anything.

I feel quite disoriented about these upcoming changes. I know life has to carry on and we have to get back to some form of normality. It’s hard knowing that but my brain being in conflict over it. That’s one of the things I struggle with – with being autistic, the knowing something but feeling extremely conflicted. Perhaps that is something to work on, letting things just be, but I’m highly inquisitive and I like finding out the answers to things.

I don’t want to add to a possible source of my meltdowns but if I’m to address something – I have to understand it. Feeling conflicted is certainly something I want to begin to understand. Why is it when I know something, but my brain just contradicts it and subsequently I believe my brain over everything else. Is this an autistic trait? Or is it just my personality?

I’m looking forward to seeing what the new normal will be like. I hope I will be able to deal with it. I probably will, I’ve had to deal with far harder things in life. I’m quite cautious, but I know it has to happen. We can’t all be restricted for too much longer. It’s been a bit of a blessing for me as it’s forced me to figure out this autism business out.

I feel it may be a bit too much too soon. It seems everyone is desperate to get some normality back in life. I get that completely – I guess I’m a little more cautious, but I don’t have the full understanding of what’s going on like the politicians and their advisors have.

Let’s just hope for the best in these next few weeks and months.

Another step along the world I go.

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